Teaching by Example

 The saying we often hear is that children learn from example. Sometimes we find ourselves scoffing at the very idea. Yet if not by our example, then how else do they learn? As I go through this adventure with my children, I can't help but think back on my own childhood. It's not a pretty trip down memory lane, that's for sure. While there are wonderful memories I try to cling to, there a lot of instances where a bad example was set.
  As I grew up, I saw my father spend less and less time at home in order to avoid conflict with my mother. When he was home, he wanted to be left alone or at least relax after working. My mother would try to explain how I or my brother had misbehaved, and often ask him to discipline us. Since he wasn't home when it happened, he often did not grasp her rules around the house. So in my mother's eyes he would undermine her and say something that went against her rules. She expected him to back her up, but it did not seem that he did. So in our eyes we saw a parent completely disregard what the other one said. This is a simple example that shows us how parenting works. It is teamwork that requires both parents to cooperate in order to teach the children.
  A harsher example I learned was how to view your body. My mother had often struggled with her weight, ever since high school apparently. She was rise and fall in a rapid pattern, causing her to be miserable with herself. I would often see my mother looking at herself in photographs, and I would hear her complain about her body. My mother was not a big woman in my early childhood. Yes she did have some curves and a little meat to her, but she was absolutely beautiful. My mother came from Irish and Cherokee heritage and had a broad frame. Her adoptive father often commented on her weight because she was bigger than her sister. He even forced her to go onto a diet when she was younger. Then when she married my father, her in-laws also began to criticize her for her weight. After the criticism, she began to take it to heart. What my mother did not realize, that as she bashed herself over and over in front of me I began to look at my own body the same way. She was constantly watching what I ate, afraid I would begin to struggle with my weight as well. When I began to go through puberty I did begin to gain weight. I became very depressed about my body and felt that a man could never be attracted to me. By the time I reached high school I started to starve myself. It took counseling after a dark moment in order to stop starving myself. I have struggled with my body image ever since. Only after the birth of my second child, and the support of my partner have I come to love my curves.
   I guess my point in sharing this story is to be wise about the example you set. Children watch every little thing you do, and hear everything you say. I have been doing my best to not let my daughter see my struggles with my body image. I tell her she is beautiful the way she is, that she is beautiful inside and out. I want my daughter to be confident in a way that took me years to become. I do not want her to go through the struggles that I went through. I know she is young still, but puberty will be rough for her as it is for any child.