Mind your tits.

 Recently, a mother in the United Kingdom was the focus of an article. She was discussing that she is breastfeeding her child. Why on Earth would this be newsworthy? Since man first walked the Earth, human mothers have nursed their children. So why would this mother be worth reporting about? Well, while American women typically stop breastfeeding by their child's first birthday, this mother is breastfeeding her six year old daughter.
  Of course once this article came out, many began offering up their opinions rather freely. The general opinion seemed to be that her breastfeeding her six year old is disgusting. Some even went as far as calling it child abuse. Why would she do this when her daughter was old enough to have memories of it? Many called her selfish, because obviously there is no benefit to her child. Others said they support breastfeeding, but if she wanted a child that age to get breast milk then she needs to pump it. All of these are normal reactions, right? Wrong. These reactions are only found in cultures where the female breasts are overly sexualized, or in cultures where formula is pushed as the normal way to feed infants.
  As you all know, I am still breastfeeding Milk Monster and he will be three in April. I have heard the same comments the mom in the article has heard. Why not pump? Well most women have difficulty responding to pumps. Your child is more effective at draining your breasts than a pump ever will be. Not only that, but when you offer a bottle of expressed milk instead of nursing your body needs you to be pumping at that moment. If you do not pump, you are missing a feeding time which can cause your supply to decrease. It is difficult to rebuild your supply after it has decreased. Many breastfed babies will refuse the bottle. I mean seriously, they know the difference between their mother's breast and a synthetic nipple.
   Now a six year old nursing? Too old you say? Do you know the real name for your baby teeth? They are called MILK TEETH. Why are they called this? Because once upon a time, all humans nursed until their first teeth fell out and were replaced by their permanent teeth. In fact, in countries all over the world mothers are still nursing their children until they lose their milk teeth. What use is there to nurse that long? Well breast milk never loses nutritional value. Do you drink cow's milk? Well that is breast milk from another species, and adults are told we need it for nutrients. Why would human breast milk be any different? Also, children do not nurse just for nutrition. They nurse for comfort and to bond with their mothers. There is nothing else quite like it.
  Now, imagine you live in a country where food is scarce. It is hard to feed your family. You have a substance readily available and free for you. Would you use it? Of course, if it meant keeping your children alive and healthy why would you refuse? Would you refuse knowing it was breast milk? I recently read a story from a woman in Puerto Rico. She works in a salon and shared this in our group for extended breastfeeding. I have her permission to share this with you.
  "I was at work today and they were discussing the 7 year old breastfeeding in the radio station we were listening too. I work at a Puerto Rican beauty salon( well I am In Puerto Rico) where two beauticians are in their 70's and one is Dominican in her 40's. The reaction? One of the beauticians said she didn't see the big deal. Her baby brother was nursed until 7. The Dominican said her younger sister were nursed until 8 and her baby brother until 10.

  And there was me: I nursed two boys until 4 and my grampa was nursed until 8. The discussion was around people today making a big deal out of nothing and being ridiculous. That years ago that was the way every poor Latin family fed their children, and they were healthy,  productive adults today. The rest of the ladies ( Puerto Rican old ladies in their 70's and 80's) agreed and just made fun of the concerns about psychological damage concerns expressed in the radio. They were commenting how society today was so shallow and silly. As one said: "People today are spoiled. Now it is all traumatic and nasty, back then that was the way to feed your kid if you wanted to see him thrive. Food was scarce and breast milk was free. "

It was really neat to see this reaction for a change. Usually is just lots of bashing."

  Americans are odd compared to the rest of the world. We something that our bodies were intended to do as wrong and nasty. We see women breastfeeding older children and feel the need to judge them as parents. Before you say you do not judge, shut up. Yes I said shut up. Any time you comment on how someone parents and say it is disgusting, you are judging. Instead maybe you should simply say you personally wouldn't do it. It is not your child, it is not your body, so mind your own tits and shut up. Unless a mother is truly abusing her child, and trust me this is NOT abuse, mind your own business. While you're at it, take the time to learn about the world outside of your country. You might just find that this mother is not alone in how she cares for her child. 

Return to Zero-A review of a lifetime movie

    Miscarriage and late term pregnancy loss are taboo subjects, especially in American society. This is a saddening fact considering 15 % of women experience a miscarriage at least once in their life, and nearly one in 200 pregnancies end in stillbirth each year. Women that experience these losses often find themselves in an odd place. They are yearning to discuss their loss, mourn the life of their child with those they love. Yet the people they love do not know how to console them. I have four friends who have experienced miscarriages that I know of, and my own mother experience three of them herself. I have two friends that experienced stillbirths. Each time I was afraid of what to say. I did not want to say the wrong thing, because I did not want to make their pain worse. The best I could do is offer to be there for them, and to understand if they could not be around my own children for the time being. I have seen shows mention miscarriage, but never delve deeply into the emotions involved in losing a child during pregnancy. So when Lifetime showed the commercial for their new movie, Return to Zero, I was intrigued. I wanted to watch it to see how they would show the emotional roller coaster that both the wife and husband experienced. So despite my pregnancy hormones that would guarantee a river of tears, I sat down to watch it Saturday night.
   
   The movie started out with a gender reveal party thrown by the wife's mother and her friends. The wife's best friend was also pregnant and I knew this would play a big part in the movie. They cut into a gender reveal cake to discover they were having a boy, which made the husband very happy. Shortly after the party, the friend was visiting the wife. The wife began to have pains, and the friend thought she might be going into labor. The friend left to go home, and the wife told her husband that she had spotted blood when she went to the bathroom. She called her doctor and he told her it was probably her mucus plug which meant the baby would be coming soon. Honestly, I was shocked to hear a movie mention the mucus plug in a non joking manor. I loved it! Her doctor asked her to come in the next morning so he could check her over and see how she was progressing. In the morning, the husband had to go to a very important business meeting. He asked her if she needed him to go, which she didn't want to make him miss the meeting even though she still had slight fears. He went to work and she went to her doctor appointment. How many times does this happen? I for one have gone to appointments alone when my husband has had to work. We think nothing of it. At the appointment the nurse is talking to her about being excited to have him in her arms soon. The nurse goes to listen for the heartbeat and can't find it. She says the machine must be broken so she leaves the room to get another one. I could see the wife beginning to be afraid, but ignoring that fear as well. The nurse comes back and tries to find the heartbeat again. Once more she can't find the heartbeat. She leaves the room to get the doctor, and at this point the wife is afraid. The doctor brings in an ultrasound machine and says he's just going to take a look. He begins to look at the baby and at first the wife is relieved. Then the doctor has to gently inform her that there is no heartbeat. He tells her that her baby has died. At first the wife is in denial, asking him to look again. He has to keep telling her that her baby has died. She begins to break down and he asks if anyone drove her. He tells her to call her husband. This was the most realistic response they could have done. Her denial and break down felt real, as if all of her hopes of the future were being ripped away from her. The husband comes to the office and the doctor has them sit down with a social worker. She asks them if they had picked out a name. They tell her that they had wanted to name him Arthur. She begins to go over their options regarding birth, c-section or natural delivery. They husband tells them to just cut it out. The wife doesn't say anything to this, but you can tell his words bother her. He is clearly distraught as well, but can't handle it. The doctor tells them to sleep on it, to rest a day and come back the next morning for the induction. He suggests holding the baby afterwards and taking photos to remember him by.

      The next day they go to the hospital for the induction, but at this point they do not show the delivery or the couple holding Arthur. Soon after, they hold a memorial service for Arthur. A few people talk about how Arthur was loved and they release balloons in his memory. While they are grieving, the wife empties the nursery closet and packs away the clothes. She comes across a gift that they hadn't opened yet and she throws it away outside. The husband begins building a boat and throws himself into the project. They both have difficulty opening up about their son. She blames her own body and calls her uterus a deadly weapon. He has been drinking more and cleans the beer bottles up in the garage. He goes to throw them away and finds the gift she had thrown out. He puts it back in the nursery closet. One night at dinner he gives her a gift that he had bought as a birth present like they had discussed. He didn't see why he shouldn't give it to her. She tells him the day of the birth was the worst day of their lives. They go to another doctor and discuss Arthur with her. The autopsy showed that Arthur had a cyst in his liver that had metastasized and caused his liver to burst. The husband begins questioning why no one picked up on that, why no one caught it before it was too late. He wants to blame anyone, the doctors even. He just wants someone to blame. I can understand this, when something unexpected like this happens you need someone to blame in order to help cope with the loss. That's just how our grief works. Soon after the doctor visit, the wife finds the baby gift in the closet. She goes with her friend to the store it was purchased from. She asks if they can return it and the sales associate asks for the gift receipt. It has been more than sixty days so they can't take it back. This causes the wife's grief to overwhelm her. She becomes angry and smashes the gift on the floor. Honestly I would have too. As she told the associate, there's a damn good reason she didn't make it back within sixty days.
    The husband's female co-worker says he needs to go out for drinks. So she takes him to a bar where she tries to get his mind off of the baby. Honestly at this point, I knew where this was going later on. That night he tries to initiate sex with his wife, but she isn't interested. Yes, I definitely knew where this going sadly. The wife goes to her friend's baby shower. A woman comes up to her and asks how the baby is doing. Obviously this poor woman has no idea what had happened. Then the wife goes to place her gift on a table and say hello to friends. They all move away from her and she says she forgot she was contagious. While talking to her friend, a mutual friend comes up to her to express how sorry she is for her loss. She tells the wife she was moved to come talk to her. The woman begins talking about God's will and how impossible it is to understand it. She tells her that his plan is perfect in every single way. This causes the wife to lose her patience. She goes off on the woman about how it must be God's plan for her suffer. She was obviously upset by what the woman said, and I cringed when the woman first said what she had. The wife turns to her friend and says she shouldn't have come. She leaves the baby shower, and I do not blame her. I have never understood telling a grieving parent that everything happens for a reason, or that it is in God's plan. Like the wife said in the movie, it has made her question her faith. While in the end it may strengthen her faith later on, or change it completely, that is her journey to make. In her grief those comments made by a well meaning friend struck her in a painful way. It just made her loss worse to her, as if she should feel bad for being angry with the universe that her child died. Another instance of someone's words inflicting more pain onto her occurs when she decides to return to work. She is a psychologist and one of her patients notes she isn't herself. She refers to the loss as a miscarriage and mentions she had one of those once. She then says not to worry, you get over it in time.
   
     The wife visits with her physician again for a check up. The doctor asks her if she's been getting out of the house and the wife tells her she has. She talks about how people don't seem to know how to talk to her. The doctor says it is hard on them as well. The wife begins telling the doctor she doubts anyone gets what is like for her, especially the doctor. The doctor then confides in her that when she was in med school, she too had a stillborn. She has since had daughters, but the pain of losing her son is still there. She tells the wife because of what she went through, what her son has taught her, she will appreciate a child like few others can. She tells her that she will always be Arthur's mom and to be proud of that because he is.

    Remember that female coworker taking the husband out for drinks? Well they're at work late one night, drinking of course, and they have an affair. Sadly I called it. Not because that's what all men do when experiencing loss like this, but because Lifetime set it up that way. Still it shocked me to see it in a way. I know everyone responds to grief differently, but I had hoped he would have been drawn closer to his wife. After his affair, they have family over for Thanksgiving. During the meal the husband's father makes a toast to life and talks about family. The wife is obviously bothered by his speech considering what they've gone through this past year. She then makes a speech about life and how death is right under the surface. So she toasts death and her husband clinks glasses with her. Love it. That part honestly made me laugh. I got a glimpse of the wife being a smart ass much like myself in the moment. So the husband suggests they boycott Christmas. They go to Vegas and party it up. Which of course leads to a hot drunken sex scene against the hotel window. In that moment I turned to my husband and bet him that she gets pregnant. He bet I was wrong. After Vegas I had hoped his affair would be done with. I was wrong. He doesn't come home one night and doesn't answer his phone. When he does walk in she says she's glad he's not dead, but she knows about her. He tries denying it, but she says she wants a divorce. He says he doesn't want one, but ends up leaving. She goes out for a night with her friend, who has since had her baby. They go to enjoy some drinks but the wife runs to the bathroom to vomit. When she comes back, she tries again but once more her stomach refuses to allow her to enjoy her drink. When she goes home she takes a pregnancy test. Then the flashbacks to the induction and delivery occur. In the flashbacks, her husband cries with her as she pushes. She begins telling the baby that it is okay to come out now. She tells him it's his mommy and to come out now. They hand him to her and she holds him in her arms, crying. They spend an hour holding him and taking photos with him as her doctor had recommended. At this point I am bawling uncontrollably they are saying hello and goodbye simultaneously to their son. A nurse comes into the room with a cardboard box and my heart shatters. The nurse puts him in the box like he is a piece of trash and I am filled with immense anger. He was not a piece of trash, he was a baby!

   As we could have guessed (and I did) she is pregnant again. She is afraid to let go of her pain, afraid it will mean letting go of her last piece of Arthur. She is also afraid to get too close to her new baby, and her doctor tells her it is completely normal to feel that way. She goes to visit her mom and tell her the news. At first you think the mom is upset. Then her mom tells her everything happens for a reason. At first the wife is upset at this, especially when her mom calls her lucky. Her mom then tells her how she was lucky as well. She had lost a baby due to miscarriage about a year before having her. She said she was lucky because she got pregnant with her. She was her second chance. Her mom tells her how it's not just the loss of a baby they mourn, but the loss of what may have been. She tells her mom she is sorry she lost her baby and her mother tells her that is first time anyone has said that to her. That moment tore my heart in two. Every loss, miscarriage or stillbirth is a loss all the same. It is the loss of a child and as she said what may have been. Every mother deserves for that to be recognized. After telling her mother, she knows she has to tell her husband. So she calls him over and he thinks something must be wrong since they've been apart for a bit now. She tells him that she's pregnant. They say it doesn't change their relationship, but that they will raise the child together. He makes the decision to end the relationship with his coworker and she becomes very angry. He tells her he has to do right by the child and his wife. She then quits her job and joins a competitor.

    He wants to read to the baby, like she had with Arthur, but she refuses. She wants this pregnancy to be completely different. He tries to reassure her that nothing will happen again. When they go to a doctor appointment, he hears the heartbeat. He had never been able to hear Arthur's heartbeat since he was working during her appointments. He hears how fast it is and worries something is wrong. The wife and doctor reassure him. That was a cute moment honestly. A typical dad moment. The husband is making a major pitch with his dad during a business meeting. He gets a call from his wife saying she is going into labor. He tells his dad that he has to leave, and his father tells him to wait. He says there will be plenty of time with the baby later. Despite his father yelling at him, he leaves to be with his wife. When the baby is born, it does not cry immediately. The doctor and nurse move to the side to probably clean out it's nostrils. The mom is panicking, asking what's wrong. Then we hear the baby crying. Relief washes over both of them instantly. The doctor tells them it's a girl and tries to hand her to the mom. The mom doesn't reach for her. The husband holds the baby, and hands her to his wife. She doesn't hold him for long. He goes to the nursery with the baby. The wife asks her doctor when she'll feel that bond, that love. Her doctor tells her she will in time. Later the mom is holding the baby and telling her about her big brother that will always be watching over her. At the end of the movie, they go to the beach to release the boat the husband had built when they lost Arthur. Before the credits roll, the movie is dedicated to hundreds of babies that had died. I cried as I read each name.

     This movie had so much raw, true emotion in it. My heart shattered for the woman in the film, as if I was truly experiencing her loss. I have never seen a truer portrayal of what a couple goes through when they lose a child. Every emotion, every painful situation, is an accurate description of what I can only imagine one would go through when losing a child. I would recommend this movie to everyone, but I can't. If you have ever lost a child, do not watch it. It will be too close to real for you. I would not want old wounds reopening simply to watch a movie. For everyone else, especially those who know someone who has lost a child, watch this movie please. Please so you can understand why someone changes after they lose their child. Please so you know that sometimes just being there for them, without saying anything is best.
 
   

An interesting journey begins

    I am now 15 weeks pregnant as of today. With my first two children, I delivered with doctors at a hospital in a southern county. While I loved the nurses and the fact that they were a designated baby friendly hospital, I did not enjoy laying on my back for the entire delivery. So this time around, after a long discussion with my husband, I sought out a midwife group in our new community. While I want a natural birth with a midwife, I do not want it at home. There is always a chance of complications so I was relieved when I found out that they deliver at a local hospital. So I made an appointment with them to discuss my pregnancy care.
    Instantly I fell in love with them. They were thorough when discussing my medical history. I have fibromyalgia, which can cause complications during pregnancy. My old ob/gyn never once considered my fibromyalgia during my pregnancy. My midwives were instantly concerned about it and even mentioned sending me to a specialist if needed. They took into count my history of depression and postpartum depression, scheduling me an appointment with a therapist. During both of my previous pregnancies, I began to have high blood pressure towards the end of them. My protein count was never high enough to classify it as preeclampsia, but for me my blood pressure was beyond too high. I normally have a very low blood pressure and they did not take that into account. When I told my midwives this, they ordered a 24 hour urine test. They did this in order to get a base count of my proteins so that if my protein levels begin to increase later they can decide if something needs to be done. My husband was thrilled with them and this was all on the first appointment. Due to my medical history they classified me as high risk to make sure I got the attention I needed.
   While discussing my history, we also came to discuss how I wanted my labor to go this time around. I knew I did not want to be laboring on my back again. I had been researching water birth and the hospital where I will be delivering has a water birth suite. When I mentioned this to my midwife, she thought this would be a great way to ease my pain during labor. Since I have fibromyalgia, the warm water would help ease my muscles. Within just the first visit my experience was completely different than it had been with my old ob/gyn. My husband left the appointment filled with relief. He had been so worried after what my last pregnancy had been like. He felt like he no longer had to worry about me since I was in good hands. They were even excited that I am still nursing my almost two year old!
   Now I am in my second trimester, my fibromyalgia has flared up greatly. Luckily I have learned to manage it with good nutrition, exercise(on my good days), tylenol, warm baths, and massages from my husband. All of those were actually recommended by my doctor. She didn't want to prescribe any pain killers because I was trying to not medicate heavily during my pregnancy. However after I deliver she wants to see me again to discuss medication and possible trigger point injections. I am considered overweight, and my midwives are happy to see that I am not gaining a lot of weight yet. While I was working, my symptoms were flaring up badly. So my husband and I had a long discussion. We had been smart at tax time by paying our rent up for six months. This made us able to live on just his income until he found a better job. We were thinking it would take a few months for this to happen. Instead within a week of me quitting work, he had found a new job. So now I can take it easy when I need to and ease my pain. Most days Milk Monster is cooperative about it. This pregnancy is definitely going to be an interesting journey, for all of us.

A friend's battle with an arrogant doctor.

  My friend from high school is expecting her third child. She had an emergency c-section with her daughter and through out this pregnancy she has told her doctor she is planning on doing a VBAC. Luckily for her, her doctor has been mostly supportive of this decision. That is a rare thing to find, since most doctors do not suggest VBAC to their patients. She has had numerous moments of preterm labor and has been in the hospital to stop it multiple times. At one of her most recent doctor visits, her physician said since she is at 37 weeks and the baby is measuring on the larger side for 37 weeks that he would no longer stop her labor if it started. She has been hoping for over a week that her labor would start naturally since she wanted to avoid having another c-section. Her physician said he would not start labor for her since it was a VBAC, it was all up to when little man felt ready.
   She has been in pain all week and last night she was about to give up hope for her VBAC. Her labor actually started last night and she went to the hospital expecting to be seeing her little boy this morning. Her physician was not the one on call at the hospital. She tried to explain to the physician on call everything that her physician had said to her. He did not listen to her, and even worse he did not attempt to call her physician. Instead he ordered the nurses to administer the shot which would stop her labor! She was in active labor and this doctor stopped it. She left the hospital this morning. Her contractions have started again, but they are sporadic and nowhere near as strong as they had been last night. She is distraught because last night could have been her one chance to avoid c-section all together. She called her physician this morning and had a discussion with him about what happened. To say he is angry is an understatement. He knew how badly she wanted a VBAC and he wanted that for her as well.
   She is now at home, cleaning the house top to bottom and using her exercise ball to encourage her contractions to continue to strengthen. I am hoping she is able to have the birth she wants. Situations like this are the reason us women need to demand to have doctors more educated about VBAC. We need to speak up and demand that they listen to us in situations like this. Our voices matter, especially since we know our own bodies better than anyone else. We need doctors that listen and consider everything we are saying before rushing to decided they know what is best. I understand they went to medical school, but when they do not even consult with our physicians who have been with us for nearly 10 months through this journey they are not doing their job.

Snow baby

   In January we had that wonderful week of snow and arctic temperatures that kept us all locked up in the same house for days. Luckily I was able to keep the majority of my sanity intact without murdering my children....or my husband. In fact it felt nice to spend extra cuddle time with my husband since usually we work alternate schedules. Of course snuggle time turned into sneaking away from our bed since Milk Monster bedshares with us. After the storm, BatGirl returned to school and slowly our routine went back to normal. There were still days of subzero temperatures and snow, but nothing like that one week.
   As our routine went on, small changes began to occur. These changes were only noticeable to myself, and involved my own body. I noticed I was beginning to produce much more milk and this was causing Milk Monster to nurse more than he had in months. At first I thought my body might have been responding to the beginning of a growth spurt in my son. Then my body just felt, well different than it had in a long time. I don't know how to describe it, but it felt as if something within me had changed. I told my husband my suspicion, that perhaps our week of snow had resulted in another baby. He knew I had baby fever and that I had been wanting another child, but he didn't want to get my hopes up. So he tried to calm my suspicions, but it was impossible. I waited weeks before allowing myself to take a test. It was roughly the week my period was due when I bought a pack of tests. I took a test and it seemed negative to me, so I went to bed without saying anything. The next morning, I happened to glance at the test and realized there was a faint second line. I knew of course that it could have been just an evaporation line. So I waited a day before taking the second test. Again, there was a very faint line. My husband wasn't convinced that it was positive, I think partly because he wanted a baby more than he was letting on. So I waited until the end of the week and bought a set of digital tests. The first one was negative, which at first crushed me inside. I waited until the next night to take the second test, and it was positive. I took a picture of it and sent it to my husband while he was at work. There was no denying it now, I was pregnant.
    So we waited until just a few weeks ago to announce to our families that we were expecting. For the most part they seem excited, and we are happy about it. BatGirl wants the baby to be another girl, and Milk monster doesn't really know what's going on. He kisses my belly when we talk about the baby to him, and it is the cutest thing in the world. The interesting part will be when the baby arrives. I wonder how well he will do with sharing mama's milk with the new baby. Oh lord...that's going to be scary.

Name change and WAR

 Oh the joys of winter. The Princess has now decided she be named BatGirl, which I have no objections to whatsoever. What I do object is the madness I had to endure for three weeks. Normally she has two weeks off from school for winter break, no big deal right? Wrong. DEAD WRONG. You see, Milk Monster is a baby of routine. He hates it, no loathes it when anything disrupts his daily routine. He gets up after BatGirl goes to school, eats a banana and some cereal, then drinks from the boob. Right as mommy is heading to work, he heads upstairs with daddy so he can take a nap. Then he wakes for lunch before resuming his nap. Well for two weeks this routine was disrupted with the very first moment. BatGirl wasn't going to school, which meant we all slept in. He doesn't rouse until after mommy wakes up, so his wake up time was thrown off. Then of course sissy is home from school, why would he nap? He would battle daddy fiercely in order to get out of taking a nap. By the time mommy got home from work the house was in chaos. Furniture was on fire! Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad, but you get the idea. Poor daddy was exhausted and Milk Monster was literally a cranky monster running around screaming at the top of his lungs. So the exhausted mommy who had been on her feet all day would whip out the magic boob to soothe the little monster. For the most part, it worked...until bed time. Milk Monster was beyond exhausted and of course you would think this would mean that going to bed was an easy task. Nope, not at all in the least bit. Instead he would run circles on the bed, screaming and jumping until almost midnight. This went on for two weeks. Then, a magical day was on the horizon. It was the weekend before BatGirl was to return to school and we were all looking forward to it. We were so close, so very close. Then, as if from nowhere, a great monster loomed in the horizon. SNOW.
     Snow is fun, beautiful, and a wonderful part of every child's life in the midwest. Even parents can enjoy it, unless it's a foot of snow right before the kids go back to school from winter break. It started on Sunday morning, and my two were already about to kill each other. We were getting an inch of snow per hour with high winds. It was making a huge mess on the roads and I knew school would be cancelled for kids going back on Monday. Luckily our daughter was going back on Tuesday. Nothing could go wrong, right? Wrong again. Not only did we get a foot of snow, but temperatures were below zero. That's not the wind chill folks, no, in fact the actual temperature was about 17 below zero. This meant that any salt treatments would not work on the roads and even the plows were having trouble getting out on the roads to clear the way. So Tuesday morning came and went without them going back to school. Not only did they not go to school, but we didn't go to work. Which meant all four of us trapped in the house, together. How we survived I do not know. Then we began to look hopeful for school to resume on Wednesday. Then our wonderful governor dashed those hopes be asking all schools to remain closed one more day due to the cold temperatures. I was about to go bald from pulling out my hair. We had to keep separating the kids, because every little tiny argument turned into a massive battle that would make any soldier cringe. Then, magically Thursday arrived. We emerged from our home tattered, and emotionally scarred. BatGirl returned to school and slowly Milk Monster went back to his routine. Once more peace descended upon our kingdom. Yet clouds still loom in the distance. The farmer's almanac calls for two more massive storms before winter's end. Our family's survival is not promised, so a chill runs through my bones. Spring is still 56 days away. I hope this will not be my last blog...

Baby Fever

   So that wonderful feeling has struck me once more. That internal itch that nags at you and nags at you until you acknowledge it. Every baby you see stirs up an incredible desire as if you are gollum in Lord of the Rings and must obtain your precious. That's right folks, baby fever. It has hit me and it has hit me HARD. You would think that with a sarcastic five year old that is a constant reminder of myself at that age, and a toddler teetering on the edge of the terrible twos cliff would be enough to derail these urges. Nope, not in the least bit it seems. In fact I think that as Milk Monster continues to grow and hit new milestones the urge merely grows.
   When my husband and I had Milk Monster, we discussed the possibility of more children. He was honest in his feelings that he was happy with just our two children. I on the other hand have a strong desire for more children. We recently had to have a new discussion about this since we had a pregnancy scare. He admitted to being okay with having one more, maybe not right now, but one more in the next few years. Well knowing that he would be okay with another child has only increased my desire for another child. I try my best to not voice this desire, so it won't bother him, but it is becoming too difficult. I have one issue though...will Milk Monster be okay with sharing mama's milk? He is a little piglet even at 20 months old. If my husband pretends to reach for my chest, Milk Monster flips out and yells at him. Then immediately after he chases his father off, he has to nurse. As if he is an explorer laying claim to land. Then there's the fact that instead of using a toy bottle to feed his baby doll, he brings her to me to nurse her. So he knows the concept of mommy having the milk for babies. He is okay with his doll having my milk, so maybe he would be okay with a little brother or sister having my milk as well.
    So for now I am filling my baby fever with the adorable babies that come into my workplace. I can't hold them, but I sure can make them smile or laugh. It's not completely working, but it's enough for now. Sadly for my husband it may not work for long. It's like giving decaf to a coffee addict. It's just not the same.